Instructions for Couples for using the Insight Game:
By Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.
Whether you are contemplating marriage or are already involved in a long-term relationship, all couples can benefit from understanding more about each other.
Have you ever had a close relationship in which you agreed 100% with the other person?
If not, don’t be discouraged. It seems that the more intimately people know each other and the longer their relationship, the more likely it is for them to disagree—even fight!
For the most part, disagreements begin as people discover they aren’t alike. They differ in their viewpoints and attitudes, the way they make their decisions, their habits and interests, the things they enjoy doing—whether for work or for fun—and the things that matter to them.
Early in the course of a loving relationship, people may not recognize these differences, or they may view them as amusing or refreshing contrasts to themselves—virtues or qualities to be appreciated, admired an imitated. But, eventually, whether in courtship or marriage, these rose-colored illusions and delusions of each other often shatter, as one or both partners are brought to the uncomfortable realization that the mate isn’t the character imagined in the relationship’s early days.
Increasingly, partners become more critical of each other. Even if criticism is not expressed, discontent is seeded, and each person may begin to feel a need to “fix” or “repair” the relationship—usually by trying to change the other person.
Changing oneself is a noble and difficult challenge. Changing other people is among the most doomed of human pursuits: whittling away at another person’s identity, beliefs and behavior. It is an occupation which leads to little other than anguished frustration and bitter resentment.
No wonder it wrecks most relationships.
The Insight Game is part of a relationship discovery system designed to help you side-step some of the predictable problems most people encounter when they try to make the difficult transition from falling in love to dealing with life together. Hopefully, by the end of playing the Insight Game, you will know each other better and accept each other more—as the unique individuals you were when you met.
- Play the Insight Game by yourself to discover your personality type.
- Print out your one-page description and game results so you have it for future reference.
- Download your Comprehensive Personality Profile. The staff in your pre-marital counseling program may be able to give you a discount code during the checkout process to pay for your profile. As you read through your profile, mark the sections that you feel sound the most like you.
- Look through the Cartoon Illustrations of your personality type. Pay particular attention to the chapter titled Your Personality Type in Loving Relationships.
- Now that you have read your personality profile, exchange profiles with your partner, go to a quiet place to read each other’s profiles. Pay particular attention to the Loving Profile and the Loving Combination Profile—which addresses each mate’s personality type in the context of your relationship-both strengths weaknesses.
- Plan time to sit down and share your thoughts about the profiles with each other.
For couples planning on marrying or who are already married, take the time to complete a pre-marital counseling program with a professional therapist or through your local church. Most programs follow a specific curriculum such as Prepare-Enrich.